Of Mirrors, the Self, and Their Transformative Power

Mirroring a child’s emotions during their developmental stages is widely recognized as essential for emotional growth. It helps children identify their feelings and learn how to manage them. When this mirroring is absent, it can leave the child—and, later, the adult they become—with enduring difficulties in recognizing and regulating their emotions.

But there’s an even deeper consequence. Without proper mirroring, a person may struggle to discern whether their emotions are “good” or “bad.” This poses a significant problem because emotions aren’t inherently good or bad—they are messages, physical responses to situations that help us process and understand our reality. While this topic merits its own discussion, let’s focus here on the critical role of mirroring.

Mirroring isn’t just vital during childhood. At every stage of life, we all need others to act as emotional mirrors—people who can reflect our feelings back to us and help us make sense of them. This reflection serves as a sounding board, aiding in the understanding of our emotions and experiences.

Now, imagine being part of a small subset of society—highly gifted and highly sensitive individuals—who often lack adequate mirroring, both as children and as adults. Heightened sensitivity or unique ways of perceiving the world touch every aspect of a person’s inner and outer life. This makes it almost impossible for others to fully reflect their experiences unless they share similar traits. Without these mirrors, such individuals may feel fundamentally “wrong” while intuitively knowing they’re “right” in some way. This unresolved paradox can erode their sense of identity—and, over time, their sense of humanity.

Have you ever felt like you were “too much” for others or struggled to find a place where you truly belonged, even questioning your own sense of being “human”? For many people—whether gifted, sensitive, or simply feeling different—this feeling can be a constant, shaping their identity and connections. They miss out on the sense of belonging most people take for granted, not due to a lack of capacity, but because they’ve never experienced adequate mirroring. This mirrors the broader impact of unresolved emotional challenges many of us face, where the right understanding and support can lead to profound healing and growth.

Unfortunately, very few professionals are equipped to provide this level of support. This is partly due to the rarity of these experiences and partly because myths surrounding giftedness obscure its profound impact on personality and relationships.

In my work, I’ve witnessed the transformative power of being a good mirror. Clients often resist labels, but when provided with a safe, judgment-free space, they begin to see themselves in a new light and reframe what they once perceived as challenges. The pieces of their identity start to fall into place. Strengths like sensitivity, rapid thought, and deep understanding shift from being seen as liabilities to being embraced as assets. This re-framing releases tremendous energy, enabling them to align with their authentic selves.

From this foundation, profound changes occur. They learn to manage emotions, explore new ones, and even celebrate their quirks. They develop deeper self-love and compassion for others. They gain insight into family dynamics, as traits like giftedness and sensitivity often run in families. They rediscover joy and fall in love with life.

One client shared her delight in finally experiencing jealousy—a feeling she had previously rationalized away by distancing herself from others when insecurity arose. Another discovered true gratitude after years of doing things for others to meet the expectations of “bad mirrors.” When she finally met herself with clarity, she was able to appreciate her gifts and feel genuine gratitude.

And here’s the most astonishing part: When people see themselves clearly—whether gifted, sensitive, or simply on a journey of self-discovery—they don’t become self-centered. Instead, they often ask, “How can I use this to contribute?” Children who exhibit a strong sense of fairness and justice often carry these traits into adulthood. Recognizing their unique resources, they naturally channel them into making the world a better place.

Love is more powerful than fear. I believe every human is born knowing this truth. Helping gifted individuals reconnect with it is one of the most rewarding aspects of my work.